Every person knows that once you go to America you get F*ed up because you know how pretty it is. (Word play on the Korean term for the US, Miguk. Mi also means Beauty/pretty 美) Of course it’s not Britain–that’s the place where characters go for royalty coming back with American accents. And of course it’s not Australia, because that’s where the melodrama people come from. (I’ve watched a lot). No, once you go to America you can’t do things like really call and most people come back smarter, but damaged because their hearts are sooo much colder. Like there is a pit of no communication around well-telephone-lined airports, there are rules about Miguk, too.
1. It’s where you put the criminals of K-dramas. (In Historical Joseon dramas it’s down in Kyeongsang… which is why EVERY gangster must also come from Kyeongsang–they aren’t native to Seoul–no way.)
2. Miguk is a beautiful country with only one university/college (Harvard)–well maybe a few others, but really they don’t count
3. Anyone from this country, has a cold heart–especially adoptees who don’t know how to love. So of course they won’t, you know, communicate with their relatives even if they have Skype. (In Korean terms, not quite human.)
4. They have the best medical care EVER. So that’s where everyone gets their surgery, (Though I think only one hospital ever gets mentioned. John Hopkins… and I’m pretty sure they don’t cover all those kinds of surgery…) be it for health reasons, unless the patient needs Korean native medicine, which is clearly superior to the less painful Chinese version. (Less disgusting, just as bitter, much more painful. Trust me.)
5. It’s where a lot of mothers and fathers mysteriously die. (The Mi in Miguk must be short of “mi-stery”
6. It’s filled with makjang violence. (Also known as the Mi in Miguk must be short for “Mi-sery” “Mi”anhae~) It used to be filled with only white people and discards of the K-drama world, (You know, where you put second leads), but now with a black president, clearly, they need blacks too. (Forget about the other ethnic groups.)
7. The majority of cities are San Fran, LA, and NYC. Boston, which is near Harvard? No–what’s Boston? All super violent, you know.
8. Filled with crazy people who all speak fluent English perfectly with stilted formal dialogue and Australian accents. “Mi”chiseo” 미치서 -crazy

(And yes, I know the Mi in Miguk doesn’t stand for any of those things. =P I read hanja. 미국 mee-gook–short ee sound.)